Dear Facebook…I Apologize

The other day, while coming home from a theme park with my family, I heard “Fu-Gee-La,” one of the many standout tracks from the outrageously dope Fugees’ album, “The Score.” While listening to Lauryn Hill rhyme and sing, I uttered, “I miss the old Lauryn Hill.”

What the heck does that mean though, I thought to myself. After sometime, I realized that my seemingly simple statement denied the following facts:

• It’s not the mid 90’s, which was almost twenty years ago. However to my nostalgic, time warped mind, the 90’s were less than a decade ago.
• Lauryn Hill is not at the same point in her life. When she crafted her timeless masterpiece, “The Miseducation of Lauyrn Hill,” she was pregnant with her first child, battling internal issues with The Fugees, amongst whatever other issues she had going on at that time.
• Her current life undoubtedly results in different feelings, emotions, and sounds.
• Lauryn Hill is still Lauryn Hill, regardless of how I feel about her music or lack thereof.

Time waits for no one.

I do not use Facebook much anymore. I occasionally post motivational quotes, write “Happy Birthday” on ever growing distant friends’ walls, and like status updates that tickle my fancy.

However, back in 2004…dude, you couldn’t get me off of Facebook. It was opening page whenever I clicked on Internet Explorer’s “E” icon. It was exclusive, at the time. It connected me to friends at other elite universities, primarily on the East coast.

Then it expanded to the West coast universities, followed by Mid-Western and Southern schools. Before long, seemingly all of higher education was on the same dope network. I was able to connect with other college-aged students who were all experiencing “college life,” the best four (or five) years of one’s life.

Then, everyone was invited to the party. The extreme, booming growth was also by facilitated the massive exodus from MySpace (and many people brought those MySpace habits and trends to Facebook; my least favorite: the elongated middle name. For example, Jennifer ‘TheseHoesBeHatingOnMeCauseTheyWantToBeMe’ Jenkins). And I was angered and frustrated by the seemingly rapid changes (sidenote: and I still don’t get this new timeline thing, but whatever).

But like Lauryn Hill, my initial response to the new Facebook denied the growth of the company and its social reach. It’s no longer 2004. I am no longer a rising senior at the best university in the country.

Time waits for no one.

Therefore, I owe Facebook an apology; continue to do you, Facebook; compute your life in whatever way you want. No further judgement.

 

 

Teachers Make a Difference

Thanks to Jamie Steinheimer, whoever she is, for creating this picture. She uploaded it to facebook sometime yesterday and it has since gone viral with over 13,000 views and shares in a few hours.

For those who are not 80s babies or came of age in the 90s, let me explain the significance of this seemingly mundane picture.

The bottom half of the picture are the main characters from “The Magic School Bus,” a mid-90s tv show, which was originally a popular Scholastic book series. The books and subsequent tv show helped young children, like myself (and was originally targeted at children of color and females, hence the strong female characters, to encourage participation in the sciences), learn about science in a fun and interactive way. We watched Ms. Frizzle and her (more than likely) third grade class explore various scientific concepts primarily through experiments. The best part about the show was that the class was hands on learning to the extreme because the school bus could transform, shrink, and time travel amongst others amazingly awesome verbs. One of my personal favorite shows was when the class entered the body as they learned about white and red blood cells. And do you remember Ms. Frizzle’s popular catchphrase? No, not nerdy like me, huh? “Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!” Who knew that Ms. Frizzle had the best advice that a teacher can give to any student. I still need to listen!

Unsurprisingly, her students grew up and became, according to Jamie Steinheimer, the Planeteers of “Captain Plant and the Planeteers fame.” The show was an earlier 90s cartoon series that preached and promoted love and compassion, especially for our planet, embodied by the earth spirit, Gaia. Ms. Frizzle is that you? The Planeteers would travel the world in the Geo-Cruiser (think Magic School Bus meets Pimp My Ride: Environmental Edition; it used solar power to transport the Planeteers around the planet. It would be no bueno if the Planeteers polluted the earth, duh!). When the villainous polluters became too difficult for the Planeteers to handle, they would shout, “Let our powers combine,” and they would summon Captain Planet who was the environmental, pollution-stopping superhero. This show, like many of the shows after it, notably Power Rangers, stressed the idea of teamwork, specifically the idea that the whole is greater than its individual parts. Once again an excellent lesson to teach to young impressionable students.

Ms. Frizzle, as a current educator, I would like to say, “Thank you!” You inspired your students to continue to explore, learn, and eventually fight for what they believed to be true. As they grew older, they took heed of your earlier lessons, and in turn spread the message forward to others.

You inspire me. You remind me, and other educators out there that:

Teachers make a difference.

I Forgive for Me

His message appears in my Facebook inbox. I read it. In it, he apologies. I read it again. In it, he states that he misses his best friend. I read it again and again. Then, I let it sit there with no reply for about two days.

I struggle. That last sentence may be one of the realest, most honest sentences that I have written. In its simplicity is mixed so many shortcomings, so many attempts to be better. Success, failure, and hope not so neatly reside within the word, struggle. Hence, I struggle with forgiveness.

A few years ago, the leading positive psychologist in the nation, Dr. Martin Seligman, came to my school for a professional development training. I loved his positive attitude (no pun intended), especially the strongly suggested ways that we can look at our outcomes, our responses to situations, and our lives. Dr. Seligman argues that as a society we focus too much of our attention on what we are not good at and not enough time cultivating our strengths. Long story short, he invited the faculty to complete a questionnaire via his ‘Authentic Happiness’ website to measure, and ultimately rank, our strengths. Interestingly, my lowest ranked strength, the questionnaire did not use the word weakness, was forgiveness.

I struggle with forgiveness because I give so much of myself in relationships. In my closest relationships, I give my all at all times. I allow myself to be vulnerable, which accounts for the strong bonds, but conversely allows for the strong hurt. Imagine for a second the different variations of a hug. There is the I-kinda-like-you-enough-to-touch-you-but-not-really one-armed, sideway hug. Then there is the full-body-our-chest-and-by-virtue-our-hearts-will-undoubtedly-touch two-armed, full embrace. My relationships closely mirror the latter; I am exposed, accepting, and open. Thus, when someone hurts me, it hurts tremendously. My affection and care are open, not shielded.

Imagine if I were being attacked, and stood in the starting position of the two previously mentioned hugs. In the first stance, the one-armed hug, I would get hit squarely in the arm/shoulder, which would be painful. In the second stance, the two-armed embrace, I would get hit squarely in the chest, which would also be painful and more dangerous because the chest houses all the vital organs. Remember, I characterize my hugging style as the latter. As a result, I hurt badly when I am/feel played, slighted, or wronged.

As much controversy as Tyler Perry incites, I think of him whenever I think of forgiveness. In one of his movies, one of his characters utters a counterintuitive truism, “Forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you.” Remember that much of Tyler Perry’s fame comes from his constant touring of the bible belt influenced Chitling circuit; thus, most of his earlier work was heavily laden with biblical references and thoughts in order to inspire.

Here is the crux of my struggle; I struggle with forgiveness because I struggle with forgiving myself.

I recently read, “Healing requires taking responsibility for your actions.” No where in that quote is the other person mentioned. No where in that quote exists a he, she, they, him, or her. No where in that quote does it condone being consistently angered and frustrated by the pain that the non-existent other person caused.

I struggle with forgiveness because I struggle with forgiving myself.

There are still moments when I quick to point to others and blame them for my situation, my feelings, my hurt. The key word in that last sentence is “my.” The situation, feelings, and hurt belong to me. As a result, I have to be accountable for my actions, thoughts, and feelings. I only allow past situations to hurt me because “healing requires taking responsibility.” Thus, when I am responsible for my actions, I can move on from the situation.

At the same, I do not condone removing responsibility from the other person for their actions, their role in the hurt. I am, on the other hand, suggesting that you are only in control of you. You cannot make that person do anything; you cannot make them apologize, you cannot make them feel sorry for their actions; you cannot make them hurt as badly as you hurt. Therefore, you can not let others’ actions linger in your life. At some point, you have to forgive, not for them, but for you. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy, in order to live the life that you deserve.

Similarly, forgiving is not forgetting. Learn your lesson, and move on. And be prepared with your newly acquired knowledge because life is a lazy teacher who uses the same test over and over again. True, she may change a question here and there but the same skill is being tested, regardless of the subtle change.

A couple days later, I reread his message again for umpteenth time. I crafted a response that reiterates to him that I too miss communicating with my best friend. I also convey that I have moved on from that once unbearable place of hurt.

More importantly, I forgive him. I forgive, not for him, but for me.