My life and lived experiences inspire all of my posts and today’s post is no different.
I love Black people.
I really love Black people.
This realization is not new; I’ve known this fact for a long time! Today, I want to declare my love for my Black sisters and brothers throughout the internet’s expansive reach.
Here is a random list of what I love. For this post, I am not concerned about the perceived, imagined, or real obstacles that are associated with being Black in the United States of America. Nor am I concerned with the things about my people that I do not like *cough: Love and Hip Hop Atlanta and its stereotype-supporting impact: cough* This post is not about that; instead, I want to spend the remaining words to express my love for my people…all of them (in no particular order): African, American, Canadian, Caribbean, European, Multiracial, Native, and South American.
Difference. So many are quick to lump us all together and in doing so create a perceived monolithic Black experience, which does not exist. We are individuals, with different musical tastes, socio-economic statues, hair styles, friend groups, sexualities, etc. That one notion limits and constricts so many from being themselves for fear of rejection and exile; it damages us by refusing to recognize and acknowledge our beautiful differences. I love the diversity within my people.
Support. When folks pull together my heart smiles humongous heart smiles. The other day, I attended a going away party for my mentee’s friend and the generational love and pride was evident to anyone within viewing distance. It truly takes a village. It reminded my of the countless sacrifices that my family have made for me to be where I am. Eternally grateful for that love and support.
Celebration. When we throw a party (for anything), we throw a PAR-TAY! Yes, it may not start on time, but from the food to the music, a good time will be had by all in attendance.
Style. I am an avid people watcher and I love watching my people. Our styles are varied like our skin tones. And. I. Love. It.
Accomplishments. We have done some amazing things throughout history, not only here in America, but throughout the world. Our legacy, though at times diminished, is ever present. I am proud of that lineage, and plan to add to it every chance I get.
I want to participate in a Zumba and/or Yoga class. I have been hitting the gym, lifting weights, but want to do something to keep the limbs loose and flexible. I have no excuse because I know a few Zumba and Yoga instructors.
I want to go to Montreal (or Toronto). Not sure why I have this burning desire to visit my Northern neighbors, but I would like to add another stamp to my passport relatively soon for relatively cheap. Anyone interested? No? Oh, ok.
I want to buy a new suit. I haven’t purchased a suit in a while (read: over a year; last suit purchased was for my Master’s ceremony…need to do better) and it’s time to add a new piece of smoothness to the formal attire. I’m attending a wedding soon, so this may happen by week’s end.
I want to finish reading these books I’ve started: The New Jim Crow (had to put it down because it infuriated me, but need to continue), War (actually haven’t started), The Piano Lesson (almost done), Game of Thrones (book 1…only a couple pages in, so it’s going to take a while), The Book of Basketball (almost done), and Fahrenheit 451 (also haven’t started). Judge me.
I want to create a visual art piece, entitled “Self-Reflection,” using the many name cards I have acquired from various events and conferences. They all say my name, but often my title (or identity) is different. I also need to figure which wall in my apartment will bear this masterful rendition.
I will write an update on this post within the month, and let you know how I’ve done with my recent goals.
Research has shown that writing down your goals lead to a higher completion rate. Trust me, I’m a fake doctor. Knowing that, what is something that you wish to accomplish soon (within a month)? Please share in the comments section. Don’t all rush and write, “To meet up and have a drink with you” although it’s possible (if you are in the New York City area or Montreal (or Toronto).
She “defriended” me on Facebook; well, she did the same thing too. At least, her email explained it had to do with her current relationship; she was proactively avoiding any problems. Her intentions were the same, except I do not use Facebook like that and would never say anything to hamper the relationship I did not receive an email from her. I actually sent her a email because I was shocked when I realized that we were no longer friends. I really liked her; she was my homegirl. Who am I kidding? Since we were no longer romantically involved, we had stopped being friends. The “kicking it” stopped. I guess we couldn’t even be fake friends via social media. *shrug* There are no more early morning or late night texts. “Damn, you’ve been single for a while now,” she commented. I mustered a smile in response. They celebrated their anniversary together. He gave her something that I did not; maybe I could have if…She recently broke up with her man and wants to see me again. Her form fitting dress impresses. She only sees me when she wants. I saw a recent picture of her. We looked so happy together back then. She called me the other day, and asked why I don’t call her more often. I look forward to her call. I’m tempted to call her more often but know that it would not do either of us any good. The timing is not right. We don’t text like we did in the beginning. I apparently have a special ringtone on her phone, but she forgot what it is since I don’t call. I was shocked that we spoke on the phone and actually talked to each other. She got married. She gets angry at me easily. She wasn’t ready for me. I never heard from her again. We spoke for a few minutes about her trust issues with her current boyfriend. She just wants to have fun. She ignores my texts. I still remember her one kiss. She confessed she wants more. Her silent response to my response spoke volumes. We pretend like that time never happened. I stopped waiting for her. She wrote me a note expressing her hopes for our future. I never wrote back. She stopped waiting for me. I don’t blame her and I hope she doesn’t blame me, though I’m sure our failed love connection is my fault. She told me that it was. She said that she misses me. I haven’t seen her in a while. I was not ready for her.
There are hella fears in the world, just check out this list. My favorite one, only because its the first phobia I remember learning about (actually learned it from a scene in the movie, Home Alone), is Arachnophobia-fear of spiders. Random, I know.Below are two fears that I have had throughout my life. I’m sure if I spent more time dissecting and analyzing them, I would be able to find their connection and, more importantly, their origin, which undoubtedly stems from my upbringing. With such knowledge, I would then be able to rid myself completely of them. *shrug* I don’t have the time right now; I rather live my life and figure that stuff out on the whim.
Thanatophobia-Fear of Death
When I was younger, I was petrified of death; the inevitability and unpredictability of it frightened me. Mostly, the latter shook me. It did not help that the popular adage to help people strive for “carpe diem” greatness was “Tomorrow isn’t promised to no one.” Well…the phrase did not make me scream “YOLO,” while doing different and adventurous things. In fact, I became unnecessarily preoccupied with “YODO” (You Only Die Once), which made me overly cautious, especially around heavy, moving objects like buses and cars. Then one day, I realized that I am going to die regardless of how careful I am. Thus, I should live the life that I want to live and be happy while doing so. Now, my decree to live life does not mean that I engage in extremely risky sports or behavior; for example, wingsuit flying isn’t for me. Fear conquered.
Atychiphobia-Fear of Failure
Seeming unsatisfied living my life with no fear, I developed a fear of failure around high school, although its slightly less attractive twin, procrastination, and I have had a relationship since around middle school (waiting-till-Sunday-night-to-complete-begin-my-homework-from-Friday kind of procrastination). Unlike my irrational fear of death, I could seemingly rationalize my fear of failure because the stakes get higher each year. Thus, if I slipped and fell from this never ending higher point, the consequences (and pain from the fall) would be great. Like my “YODO” days, this fear constricted my daily life, unwilling to take risks and undermining (aka self-sabotaging) my dreams and goals. It led to the laziest portion of my life because I was simply unwilling to try, fearful that a misstep would be the end of my seemingly perfect world. As a result, I did not get want I wanted, but appeased myself with false, yet soothing “at least I didn’t fail” pats on the back. But I did fail because the lack of trying resulted in not even getting close to my want or desire. I wish I could italicize “fear conquered” like I did with the previous fear, but I still battle with this one occasionally, too often for my liking. But, I am proud that I am no longer crippled by it; I realized that no one is perfect and failure or mistakes are commonplace. In fact, I’ve learned the most about myself through failure. Lastly, I also recognized that there are many people willing to help me in my endeavors, if and only if I take that first step and try. Fear subsided.
Writing down my fears felt freeing (and also provided a burst of productivity).
Be free and share your fears in the comments section. Do you have any different/funny/odd/normal fears? Please share.