Breaking Up with My Son

Before the socially ingrained, borderline expected storyline of a deadbeat Black father dominates your thoughts, let me clarify the title.

When my son returned home, after spending a magnificent, adventure-filled summer in NYC, life has felt completely different for me. While I purposely avoid using the word, depression, I definitely slumped emotionally: his absent voice and laughter echo in my mind; I avoid going places that we’ve gone together; food tastes different; visiting my mom’s house feels void of that special something; I see parks or hear of new things that I could do with him and wish; constantly answering questions like, “How is he doing?” stings; I can’t stop reliving the fun we had; in a eye’s blink, I would tell anyone about him because his name alone makes my heart smile that big goofy kind of smile that one should be embarrassed about because all of your teeth and gums are showing but you simply love because those smiles are amazingly amazing and you cherish them…in between visits, talking on the phone and occasional Skype dates with him are my only reprieve. Yet, those moments undoubtedly leave me wanting more. Unfilled. I want to feel his body plump on top of mine when he gets tired; I want to carry his motionless, sleeping self from the car to the bed, wrestling off his clothes in order to wrestle on his pajamas; I want to combine taco and movie night to make him feel special; I want to play with toys on the floor; I want to listen to him read me a story; I want to help him with his math and writing skills; I want to remind him to wash his face after he brushes his teeth; I want to see him smile those heart smiles; I want to answer his persistent call of “Daddy.”

I woke up this morning, missing him as usual and thought to myself, I haven’t pined for someone like this since my last break up a few years ago. Hence, the title was born in that moment.

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2 thoughts on “Breaking Up with My Son

  1. WOW!!! This was a powerful read and made me tear up…but then again, EVERYTHING makes me tear up! I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you both had a fun-filled summer together and I understand that memories can warm the heart yet sometimes make us feel sad at the same time. I’d bet your son is pining over his awesome dad as well, excited about the school year and plotting out just how amazing next summer will be. Your mission if you choose to accept it, is to map out the raddest, baddest, greatest, most exciting summer calendar this side of the Mississippi!! Cheer up Charley 🙂

  2. I feel this way every time my child leaves my side for school, over weekends, months in Michigan and when she goesto the bathroom… That feeling is what makes me kiss her so much. We never stop missing our children no matter how long or short their departure.
    This is what love feels like.

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