Reverse Cuffing Season

Ahh! Spring is officially here. That means a couple of things:

  • Sundresses and all their magnificence will be on full display for the next six months. You know there is always those last few who hold onto to those summer styles even though the weather starts to change in September. I see you, boo!
  • Couples, relationships, winter boo-thangs are struggling to maintain whatever was established during the hibernating dating months. I’ve already chronicled my friends mired in relationship struggles because the weather started to warm up earlier than expected. Let’s face it, people do not know how to act when the weather gets warm.
  • Lastly, outdoor activities become the norm. BBQs, strolls in the park, bike rides along the ever expanding bike lanes and paths will give you life.

Ahhh, Springtime. The perfect time to have a spring fling or multiple spring flings. No judgement from me.

I would argue though that Spring time is possibly a better time to have a boo-thang and enter into relationship-dom. I know you think I’m crazy, and I probably am, but at least read my reasons.

1. There are no major, family oriented, gift-giving, spend money holidays.

One of the major flaws of the winter cuff is that one does so in hope of saving up one’s paper, scrilla, cheese for the mythical spring break trip…that one never goes on. Why does one never go? Other than your lame friends who cannot come up with their plane and hotel ticket, you don’t have any money. During the winter months, you are hit with too many meaningful holidays. You nervously sit through a thanksgiving dinner at someone’s house. You hope his/her momma cooks the macaroni pie the way your momma does…and most times, they don’t. But you cannot complain; you smile and chew slowly, washing it down with some alcohol that you more than likely bought so that you do not enter their home empty handed. You also have to deal with potentially boring conversations, while you would rather be home on your couch watching the football games.

Then a few weeks later you are responsible for purchasing a Christmas gift (Editor’s note: Excuse my Christian bias for a moment), which could cost a pretty penny if you are trying to impress your partner, which you should always do. Then the following week is easily the most expensive night to party in New York City, New Year’s Eve. If you want to take your winter boo out please believe you are shelling out some major green for the night. The entry fee for any club in NYC rivals the rent of a studio apartment…and that’s before you buy the numerous drinks (or bottles-for the ballers amongst us) to bring in the new year intoxicated. Three weeks later, y’all decide to entertain some friends for the Superbowl, spending money…again.  And then, Valentine’s day hits those pockets once again about three weeks later. Sheesh! When have you saved money? Winter cuffing promotes good intentions, saving money while you hibernate with your boo. However, good intentions pave the way to broke-dom.

How is Spring cuffing different?

First, there are no awkward family functions. Take a second and think about the Spring/Summer holidays. None of them are obligatory, nor do they promote awkward family interactions or high levels of spending money. I’ve never dreaded President’s Day and I absolutely love Fourth of July. True, you will more than likely go to a family picnic, but the attitude and disposition of all in attendance is at an all time high chill level. Drink a drink with her dad or uncle or male cousins and their initial ice-cold demeanor melts because of the warm weather. (Editor’s note: Be careful playing any games with said male family members–spades and dominoes are known to ruin family gatherings and lead to hurt feelings and injured bodies. Tread carefully, young grasshopper). Similarly, you do not have any real financial obligations. Attending a BBQ empty handed is frowned at, so always make sure that you have a case of Coronas ready at all times. Those run you less than twenty dollars.

Also, fun dates = cheap dates. A beautiful walk on the Highline (free), followed by some delicious ice cream (a couple dollars) is a quick date that satisfies both your partner (we all love creative dates) and your wallet. (Editor’s note: Holla at me for more cheap fun dates if you live in NYC. There are so many hidden treasures here…often for the low.) The only real expense you may incur may be your partner’s birthday, and that one you may be able to avoid because more than likely her girls or his boys will want to take her/him out for a girl’s/boy’s night out (Editor’s note: make sure she comes back to your spot afterwards because the wolves other men will be eye molesting your queen and her inviting sundress and pretty pedicured toes, while you are not around. These predators are skilled and can smell the “I-want-to-have-fun-cause-it’s-my-birthday” scent from a mile away and one of them will be better looking and have more game (or money) and the weather is already hot and your queen is more than likely intoxicated…yeah, avoid hurt feelings and potential bloodshed and make sure she comes back to your spot so she can get that Jeremih from you because we all know that birthday sex should be its own holiday)

Wow, this post was much longer than I expected. Come back tomorrow for another reason. This might end up being a three part series.

Do you agree with my first reason? What say you?

 

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One thought on “Reverse Cuffing Season

  1. This was very entertaining. While I’d rather live in a dream world and believe men love spending time with my family and wasting money on my ridiculous (but not too expensive) requests….I would say you’re on to something.

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