Let’s Talk about Sex and How Long You Should Wait


Sex complicates dating.
Sex complicates relationships.
Sex complicates life.

“So how long are you willing to wait to have sex?” she asked seductively, her eyes locked squarely on my lips before they continue their slow upward climb until we make eye contact. I love talking about relationships with women, but in doing so, everything seems overly sexualized (maybe it’s just me). Even this important question seems tantalizingly filled with sexual energy and desire.

I smirk, keeping my lips together, which cause them to stick out more. Her eyes notice. “Actually my answer is the subject of an upcoming blog post,” I flirtatiously laugh.

So how long should one wait before one has sex?

I definitely do not have the answer because there is not a one size fits all answer. I am of the opinion that you should have sex when you are ready to have sex…just not on the first date. I kid. Kinda. Not really. Don’t do it. Well, if you’re ready to have sex on the first date, do it, but know that a long-term relationship may not be in your immediate future.

Before I continue, I want to make sure that I distinguish between a lust-connection and a love-connection. Relationship week has been concerned with love-connections, but lust-connections are often more populous. In fact, many relationships are often given the lust-connection treatment because sex prematurely occurs and consequently complicates. A reader yesterday said that he hangs out with a potential partner before he commits. And during this hanging out phase, there is no sex allowed. Champagne room rules seem to help distinguish the difference between love and lust…for him.

So how long should one wait before one has sex?

We have all heard the traditional three to six months. I personally have never waited that long, which could be the reason that I am single now. I can understand the logic behind such a lengthy wait: you want to get to know the person before you have sex. Agreed! You definitely know the person before you “know” the person in a biblical sense. The next logical question is how long before you feel like you know the person? Imagine if I only saw/dated my person of interest once a week. Then, it is conceivable for two months to pass (= eight dates) before the bedroom boogie. But is there a time cheat code to the bedroom romp? Let’s say that eight dates is what is needed to get to know someone. What happens if I see the person three times a week. Now, I’m seeing the inside walls of the bedroom in two and a half weeks. Same eight dates. One took two months. The other took two and a half weeks.

So how long should one wait before one has sex?

You have to know why you are waiting. Are you waiting because you want to follow the traditional three to six month rule, no exceptions? Are you waiting because you just got out a relationship and do not want to rush into a new one? Are you waiting because you want to make sure that you are interested in the person before you give them the thrill? Drake once rapped or sang (or both), “Does waiting really make us better people?” I do not know, Drake. I remember after having sex with a young lady, she left a note on my desk saying that she hopes that last night did not change my view of her. Uh, no. I did not think negatively of her because we slept together soon after meeting. Thinking back on that experience (I struggle with the semantics of relationships), I realize that we wanted different things and did not have the chance to communicate our different wants to each other. She, if I remember correctly, wanted to have a love-connection, whereas I wanted a lust-connection.

So how long should one wait before one has sex?

Maybe the answer is communication. While there is no hard numbered answer, there should be a conversation with your partner. Are you ready? Are they ready? Are y’all working towards something meaningful? Well the conversation may be a bit awkward to initiate, the answer will be more than satisfying.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s