“So, what are you not good at?” she asked sarcastically, a veiled attack at my ego, my big headedness as she has called it, whose size she clearly wanted to reduce. Simultaneously, she seemed genuinely interested in my answer. Not the best question to ask on a date with someone you are getting to know, but then again, maybe it is.
“I don’t know,” I sheepishly state with a devious smile. “I’m bad at a lot of things. Trust me.”
Her question confused my dating GPS for a few moments. While in this unusual state, I reverted to my default defense mechanism: smile and feign deep thought by repeating the question. While she probably does not remember asking that question, its subsequent answer has preoccupied my mind for the last few days.
So here are the top five reasons (in no particular order) why dating me would be challenging:
While I tend to be even kneeled throughout most of my life, my moods can switch rather quickly; I have my moments which Monica appropriately and preciously termed “Just One of Those Days.” If I am hungry, watch out. I am liable to karate chop you in the throat if you try to talk to me while I’m craving replenishment. Once sustenance has touched my palate, I resume friendliness. Similarly, if I am overwhelmed at work, I tend to get real quiet and irritated with people preoccupying my time that I should be spending on the assignment.
I’m a rap head
While I try to diverse my musical selection and taste (recently I have engrossed myself in top forty hits), I am a rap fan at my core. If you cannot double dutch a verse with me (a la Styles P and Jadakiss) or recite a Lil’ Kim verse solo or cannot finish the following bass heavy, booty-shaking inducing down south lyrics like “What’s in my pocket, dawg?” or “Girl the way you movin’, got me in a trance…” then you, me, and us are not going to work out. Oh and brownie points to any reader who can finish those lines in the comments section. No google allowed.
I like my own time
There is no greater unattractive quality than a stage five clinger. I am all for spending time with each other in order to get to know one another, but please have your own life. You had a life before me, so keep living it. I loathe people who disappear when they get into a relationship; suddenly they stop calling, hanging out, existing. And then when the relationship is over they reappear like David Copperfield. Nah, miss me with all that. At the same time, I had a life before you entered it and will continue to live it. I will make the necessary time to see you and such, but note that I need time for me. The best part of maintaining our own lives, other than obvious we need it in order to survive, is that when we get together we have something to share with each other. It is very hard to share an experience with someone when they were right by your side throughout the event.
“Oh sweetie, this one time, I…”
“Yes, baby. I already know this story; remember I was there too.”
Try having that conversation repeatedly and see how much fun you have in your relationship. Suddenly, talking feels like a chore.
I like to have sex…a lot
If you and your libido are not on speaking terms right now, miss me. I would write more but my mom reads this blog. You understand where I was going with that one, so let’s avoid the awkwardness.
I am overly competitive
I know for sure that I have missed up at least two potential relationships by beating my dates in bowling. Wait, you want a man who will let you win? Oh ok, that’s not me. My family, friends, and former girlfriends/dates can all attest to my competitive nature; don’t bust out cards (UNO or spades) or Trouble or some other family orientated game like Monopoly and not expect me to go for the jugular. On the other hand, I sulk when I lose. Over the holidays, I repeatedly lost to my youngest brother in UNO…yeah it took me a few minutes to get over that. And yes, I accused him of cheating.
So what about you? Please share in the comments section below some things that would making dating you tough or challenging.