Missed Post

Yesterday, I missed a post. I can write a list of excuses, but it is not necessary. One of my goals is write everyday because I want to become a better writer. And yesterday, I did not make my goal.

I woke up this morning with Seinfeld’s advice on my heart; my chain was unfortunately broken yesterday. Simultaneously, I could feel the negative, exaggerated thoughts forming and then enveloping my confidence.

You are a failure.
You are not skilled enough to write each day.
You can no longer have a successful blog.

Like clockwork!

I always beat myself up. Always. I am overly-critical of my shortcomings. As a result, my self-esteem struggles to maintain a positive, confident level. In fact, my self-esteem best mirrors a roller coaster, filled with rotating highs and lows.

I have an irrational fear of failure. I have heard numerous times, learn from your mistakes. Why would I want to make mistakes in the first place? I feel an unattainable pressure to be perfect. I am not sure if it is real or imagined, internal or external. Regardless, it is there. It is crippling. It is consistent. It limits and constricts my risk taking ability because I concentrate on the possibility of failure more than the possibility of success. Consequently, I often do not try. As a result, I undermine my efforts and experience the very failure that I feared.

While laying in bed, desperately wanting to fight off these negative vibes, I decided to try something new. I tried self-compassion.

I reassured myself that failure is a stepping stone, part of the journey, part of the process. I comforted myself that the failing is not as bad as I pictured it. The blog will still be available, and people will still read it. More importantly, I encouraged myself that I can never be a failure. Failure is an event, never a person.

Failure is an event, never a person.
Failure is an event, never a person.
Failure is an event, never a person.

Repetition is the mother of all learning.

A website, dedicated to helping those afflicted with fear of failure, ascribes two ways that one can combat the fear. First acknowledge the fear, and then take an action in order to see results. Luckily for me, this blog allows me to do both.


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